What are the Odds?
by secretaryofsillywalks
Summary: oneshot. They were having fun playing poker until Party Pooper Potter showed up. crack!fic


**disclaimer: again, i dont own harry potter D:**

**a/n : wrote this for bloodyhell92's random quote challenge. enjoy **

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Today was a good day for Draco Malfoy and company. Here they were, in the Room of Requirement, mere weeks from graduating, playing Exploding Snap in front of a roaring fire. They had tormented Hufflepuffs, ruined potions, and not run into a single Gryffindor or lost a single point! It truly was a marvelous day, nothing had gone wrong.

No sooner than he had thought the previous statement Goyle enter The Room in quite a tizzy.

"The British are coming! The British are coming!"

"Er…we are the British, mate. " Draco heard Blaise coughing somewhere in the background.

"Oh, well…I meant Gryffindors…."

"OH SWEET NIBLETS!" He cried, falling back onto the couch with the back of his hand resting against his forhead. Draco should have known better really, as there is no such thing as a marvoulously perfect Gryffindor free day.

Blaise was once again coughing, Draco wondered if he was coming down with a cold. It was rather drafty in the dungeons.

Then, before anyone could move, cry out in anguish, or try to stop the inevitable, Hermione, Ron and Loony Luna Lovegood, had entered the room.

"Hey guys, you playin' Exploding Snap?" questioned the ever obtuse, poor, redheaded boy.

Draco hoped up from his position on the comfy green couch and screeched, "Don't come any closer! Stand back! I know Ninjitsu! Don't make me use it Weasel!"

"Draco, you do not know-"

"SHUSH MINION!"

"Jesus Chri—STOP CALLING MY THAT!" Blaise was no ones minion! "What are youse guys doing here?"

Hermione shrugged, "We were bored."

"Well, you can't play Exploding Snap with us."

"Why would we Malfoy?" snapped Ron

"Be-"

"Yeah!" interjected Hermione, effectively stopping what could have been a seriously gloat-y and snobby speech from Draco, "beside, I know a game that's way more fun than Exploding Snap." She looked around the room, letting them wonder what she was going to say. She was feeling particularly devious today, so she said "Strip poker."

Crabbe's eyes widened in shock, Blaise nodded, Draco squawked, Luna trilled happily, and Ron and Goyle drooled. Seemed like everyone was in agreement. Strip poker it was.

Sitting in a circle, new cards being shuffled by Crabbe, Hermione explained the rules; Blaise had muttered something to the effect of "good, I've only got two knuts left anyway". That was all the agreement Hermione needed.

The playing began. Everyone concentrated fiercely on the game, sucking on odd colored lollipops that Goyle had handed out.

Hermione, a horrible poker player, quickly lost her shirt to a sinister ploy by Draco. Not that one can have sinister ploys in poker. He had a full house, and she, only a pair of eights. Needless to say, the shirt came off and tongues came out.

"I didn't know you had such big boobs Hermione," Luna stated at the same time Ron choked out "Hermione? Are those _boobs_?" ("why yes, Ronald")

Goyle, poor, stupid boy that he was, turned and asked Blaise "What does areola mean?". Blaise merely raised an eyebrow; he had no patience for these fools.

After the two distractions were dealt with, play once again resumed. Quickly, Ron lost his robes, Luna her pants, Draco his tie, and Goyle his socks (Crabbe made him put his socks back on account of his feet smelling "like troll pooh").

"Oh look! Fire whiskey!" cried out Ron

"How did that get in here?" Hermione's hair frizzed in agitation, Fire whiskey was banned from school grounds!

"Someone must have wanted it; after all, we are in the room of requirement!"

No one spoke for three minutes as they digested the fact that Ron had said something smart for once (and drank lots of fire whiskey).

Poker resumed.

Draco's lampshade hat kept falling down into his eyes so he couldn't see his cards, Crabbe was rubbing his pile of lollipops on his body, and Hermione's hair frizzed even more.

Blaise could obviously not hold his liquor. He wasn't a very fun drunk either.

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WHO STOLE MY STASH!? OF LOLLIPOPS!?" he threw himself onto the floor in a fit of melodrama that made Draco proud.

Luna grabbed Blaise by his shirt and, in a remarkable display of strength, lifted him 5 inches off the ground and shook him "Get a hold of yourself man!"

A resounding crack echoed through The Room as Luna smacked the slytherin.

Next thing they knew, Blaise and Luna had disappeared into a corner and were whispering sweet nothings into each others ears ("Can I keep you?" "of course my love!"), trying to at least. They just yelled them at each other. And they weren't very sweet either.

By this time Ron had lost his shirt, pants, socks, and shoes. In that order. Laughter and delight filled The Room. Simply amazing, sworn enemies getting along, Hermione knew strip poker could bring people together!

"MY NARGLE SENSES ARE TINGLING!" Luna looked suspiciously around the room.

"Did you forget your bun in the oven?" Draco did not know what a bun in the oven was, but Luna was an odd duck so he had asked.

Goyle spoke, well, grunted, "Err, guys? Where did that dinosaur come from?"

Everyone looked towards the purple and yellow dinosaur, a triceratops, then shrieked in horror and terror and …fear. Ron was doing unmentionable things with said dinosaur.

"Oh…sorry…hehe." Ron promptly turned an unattractive shade of puce while he tried to hide the dinosaur behind his back.

Amid cries of "MY MIND IS BLEEDING" and "DEAR GOD! ERASE IT!" Blaise swore he heard Hermione say "I thought you said-"and Ron reply "For the millionth time, I can't get it up!" Hmm. Blackmail material perhaps?

Blaise wasn't one to think less of people for their…preferences...and, though he loathed admitting it, Ron had displayed an amazing knack for…bending…. Who was he to let the poor boy feel bad about himself? "Well, you're not contortionist Ron, but, you're very…flexible."

Stares. Blaise shrugged, "just trying to raise Ron's self-esteem. " More stares. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything.

"Still tingling-" Luna started.

"WHAT IS ALL THIS TOMFOOLERY?" Harry Potter. Welcome to the party. "STRIP POKER? WITH SLYTHERINS! HOW DARE YOU! HEAR MY ANGSTY ROARS!"

"We were just having fun, Harry" stated Ron

"WITH SLYTHERINS-"

"Stop yelling!" cried Hermione

"NOOOO! IM ANGRY! FEEL MY CAPSLOCKY RAGE!"

"Can you hand me my pants?"

"SURE THING LUNAAA LOOVVVEEEGOOOD!" Harry managed to spit on Draco, who was standing 15 feet away.

"Thanks a million."

Harry turned his wrath, er, attention, back onto his "best" friends. "I COULD HAVE LIVED FOREVER WITHOUT THIS IMAGE IN MY HEAD!"

"Me too! No one wants to see Weasley dirty a dinosaur!" agreed Draco

"YE- wait, what?"

"Uh, was that not the image you were thinking of?"

"No…I was thinking of this one!!" He spread his arms wide, indicating the scene before him. "HERMIONE! RON! FRIENDSHIP EQUALS OVER!"

"Tomayto, Tomahto, Harry," Hermione deadpanned as she picked at her nails.

"WHAT? THAT MADE NO SEN-OW!" A stick of butter, which Draco imagined Goyle had wished for, hit Harry in the head.

Draco laughed out loud. "Mr. Non-Poker Playing Party Pooper Potter was hurt by a stick of butter! Bwahaha!"

"Nice alliteration Draco!"

"Thanks Crabbe!"

Harry's rage was so great that he did punch that stick of butter, causing gasps to escape the mouths of his enemies and former friends (now known as enemies!). "Huh, who knew this would feel so … squishy…" he muttered to the horcrux in his head. "Note to self, punch butter more often…butter…." Harry walked out of the room, leaving behind a bewildered group of people, muttering about punching more butter.

**(capslock harry is my favorite harry)**

**Reviews are appreciated.**

**Oh and, check out the A/N (chapter 2!) for info on upcoming game fics!**


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